Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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