being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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