i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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