i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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