you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I deserve this hangover.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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