he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize