Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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