He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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