I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i believe in u and ur pee
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