It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
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I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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