Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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