Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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