its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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