I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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