i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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