My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize