OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize