So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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