last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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