drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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