There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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