dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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