I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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