So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize