In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize