dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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