turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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