i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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