im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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