I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Two words: nipple clamps
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