If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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