I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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