I want to walk on stilts...naked
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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