I think I died a long time ago.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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