I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I stole a fireplace last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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