Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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