Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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