If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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