Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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