I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize