so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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