Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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