Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Two words: blizzard sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize