Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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