Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you never un-have a 4some
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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