I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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