My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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