Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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