Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize