i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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